Topics & Their Framing Explored at Shabbat Dinners
Spring ‘23, ‘24, ‘25
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Intentionality & Accountability
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Comparing
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Relationships and Marriage
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Motherhood and Fatherhood
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Money
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Jewish Distinctiveness
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G‑d
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Authority
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Last Reflection
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Jewish Education
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Mentors
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Anti-Semitism
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Israel
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Sacrifice
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Stories that Frame Us
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Friendship
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Your Jewish Name
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Leadership
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Mockery
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Memory of Persecution
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Joy
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Individuality & Community
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Departing from a mentor
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The value of reflections
1. Intentionality & Accountability
“I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
Our life experiences are made up of choices. Those choices can be made for us, often in childhood but also in adulthood by others' expectations, or by ourselves. Making our own choices requires intentionality, and brings with it accountability to those choices. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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What does being accountable for our choices look like (those we consider successful choices, and those we don’t)?
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What are obstacles to making choices intentionally and/or being accountable to them?
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What are the consequences of having our choices made by others?
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2. Comparing
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Theodore Roosevelt
Comparing is biblically designed into our psyche, and so are the results of it. Cain compared himself to Abel, Joseph’s brothers to Joseph, and the results weren't pretty. Today, we constantly explore others' experiences through our handheld computers, or expose others to our experiences and await their responses, which undoubtedly affects us. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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What behaviors emerge from comparing ourselves to others or sharing ourselves with others?
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How can comparisons be reduced?
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Have you observed shifts in the degree of comparing yourself to others?
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3. Relationships and Marriage
It is not good for a human to be alone. Thus a man should leave his father and mother, and cling to his wife so that they become one unit.” - G‑d
Each person is a complex creature of competing appeals and nuanced interests. This complexity is significantly compounded when a commitment for eternity is given to another person. Yet, it’s in the deepest of connections with another that we can discover our own wholesomeness. Commitment brings along the greatest of joys, along with great demands. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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What do you consider the joys of commitment, and when do they emerge in the relationship?
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Considering there are no institutions of higher education for marriage, where do you learn how to live in marriage? And, what are the benefits and losses to this type of learning?
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What would you consider your obstacle to a successful marriage?
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4. Motherhood and Fatherhood
“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” - Barbara Kingsolver
“Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understanding it.” - Mike Myers
As soon as we bring a new human being into existence, at the birth of our child, we are thrust into the role of Mother or Father, and we remain in that role for our forever. The roles of Mother and Father are different. When we are playing our unique role of Mother or Father, we are often doing it alongside someone playing the other unique role. As our child evolves, so does our role as Mother or Father. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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For men, what is your understanding of the role of Motherhood and being a mother? For women, what is your understanding of Fatherhood and being a Father?
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How has your conception of Motherhood and Fatherhood been formed from your experience as a child?
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What do you consider to be your strengths and weaknesses in being a Mother or Father?
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5. Money
“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.” - Ayn Rand
Money equals power. Like a power station, it fuels our primal needs and ambitious dreams. Like a power station, it needs resources to create its energy. Like a power station, it can wreak destruction if the energy is not properly harnessed. And money is present in almost every detail of our life. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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How has money played a role in your life up to this point?
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How is money influencing your future key decisions like marriage and your career?
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Can you describe a relationship that you’ve been in or observed that was influenced by money? It can be for the better or the not-so-better.
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6. Jewish Distinctiveness
“The Jews' continued distinctiveness, despite overwhelming pressure to become like everyone else, demonstrated their enormous effort to cultivate freedom.” - Dara Horn
Jews look no different than others, yet we are distinctive and have been since our beginning. It’s our trademark. Our distinctiveness is expressed in our beliefs and conduct. Observing Shabbat and a Kosher diet are primary examples of distinctive conduct. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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What do you consider outcomes of Jewish distinctiveness?
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What role does universality play in Jewish distinctiveness?
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What evolution did you observe, or do you anticipate, in your Shabbat and/or Kosher observance?
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7. G‑d
"Listen up Jews: the L-RD is our G‑d, the L-RD is one." - Moses
Whether you are drawn towards it or pulling away from it, G‑d is at the center of Judaism, and of being Jewish. G‑d is invisible and G‑d is also demanding, just to name a few characteristics. We encounter G‑d in our imagination, through text study, prayer, and contemplation of life events. G‑d makes us laugh and G‑d infuriates us. Through it all G‑d remains G‑d. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider...this topic can be hard, so any reflections that come up is valuable.
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What role does G‑d play in my encounter with Judaism and being Jewish?
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What does G‑d being invisible and/or G‑d being demanding mean to me?
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Has my understanding of and relationship with G‑d evolved, or have I observed others’ understanding of and relationship with G‑d evolve?
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8. Authority
“Power [authority] tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” - John Emerich Edward Dalberg, Lord Acton
"Football is like life - it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority." - Vince Lombardi
With ease, authority can slide into authoritarianism and become destructive, requiring us to be vigilant when encountering it. Authority also provides us with a foundation to hold onto and a star to reach for as we grow and expand. We all experience authority beginning with our parents and can appreciate its value. We also reach for autonomy that is independent from authority. Living with these two tensions is a key component to living and growing. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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What are your views on authority and what has influenced them?
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Do you have an ongoing authority figure (Coach Lombardi like) in your life who guides you? How did that come to be?
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Have you experienced or intimately observed corrosive authority? How has that influenced you?
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9. Last Reflection
We would value learning your personal reflection on this semester's Shabbat dinner experiences.
Here are suggested elements to help you reflect:
- Writing a reflection in general and/or on specific topics.
- Participating in a Shabbat dinner where everyone reflected on a shared topic.
- Reading and hearing reflections of others.
- Having reflections required to participate in Shabbat dinner.
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10. Jewish Education
“Throughout the centuries, when the vast majority of Europe was illiterate, Jews maintained an educational infrastructure as their highest priority. It is no exaggeration to say that this lay at the heart of the Jewish ability to survive catastrophe, negotiate change and flourish in difficult circumstances.” - Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
Whether we participated in formal Jewish education continuously since early childhood or never at all, Jewish education plays a role in all our lives in one way or another. Now, in college, when the years of Jewish education are mostly behind us, it’s a good time to pause and reflect on that experience. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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What is a Jewish educational experience (formal or informal) you had that stands out to you, be it positive or not positive?
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What impact has your Jewish educational experience (formal or informal), or your lack of one, had on you?
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What type of Jewish educational experience (formal or informal) would you envision giving your children?
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If you're not Jewish - is there an area of Judaism that you're curious about?
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11. Mentors
Every person needs a mentor. And that mentor needs a mentor. And that mentor as well—you can’t pull yourself up by tugging at your own hair. Find yourself someone you can rely on for advice and counsel. Someone who understands you and whom you can trust and respect. If that person turns you down, insist and persist. Don’t wait to be made a student. Be proactive and make someone your teacher. - The Lubavitcher Rebbe
A mentor can guide you to achievements you perhaps never considered possible. It requires you to be open to their guidance, humble to their counsel, and committed to their instructions. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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If you have or had a mentor, what achievements have they brought you?
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How does being open, humble, and committed to another person’s instruction make you feel?
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What are your views on being mentored by another person?
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12. Anti-Semitism
Anti-Semitism is the hatred that never dies… [and] is the oldest hatred in the world. - Bari Weiss
Anti-Semitism is a noxious weed that should be cut out. It has no place in America. - President William Howard Taft
Antisemitism was thought to have decreased since the Holocaust, especially in the public space. Yet, in recent times, increasingly since October 7th, there has been a rise of antisemitism, most noticeably on college campuses. Antisemitism is a reaction to Jews as a people and as an idea in the world. As young Jews emerging into a world where antisemitism is no longer a story that happened “there,” in another time and space, it colors your identity and view of being a Jew. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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What personal experience have you had with antisemitism? And how has it colored your view of yourself as a Jew?
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What is your outlook on the future of Jews in the United States in light of recent antisemitic events?
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What is your preferred method of responding to antisemitism?
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13. Israel
It's clear to me that one can't be Jewish without Israel. Religious or non-religious, Zionist or non-Zionist, Ashkenazi or Sephardic - all these will not exist without Israel. - Elie Wiesel
The strip of land on the eastern coast of the Mediterranean Sea has been at the center of the Jewish experience for 3,800 years, beginning when Abraham arrived on the land through the founding of the modern State of Israel. It embodies the richness and complexities of the Jewish experience, especially for students on college campuses and increasingly emphasized since October 7th. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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What reaction does Israel arouse in you?
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What influence does the view of others on Israel have on you?
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What would the Jewish world be missing today if hypothetically there was no Israel? Not as a result of any nefarious act or harm to anyone, just simply “poof”, it disappeared.
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14. Sacrifice
Sacrifice, verb: To suffer loss of, give up, renounce, injure, or destroy, especially for an ideal, belief, or end. - Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Quotes about virtues abound, echoed by superstars, shamans, and teachers alike. In Judaism, the concept of sacrifice (korban), which translates to "connect" (karov), stands as one of its loftiest ideals. However, implementing this principle, particularly in an era marked by remarkable technologies designed to increase ease and reduce difficulty, presents considerable challenges. Let’s explore.
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Share an experience where you either made a sacrifice for a noble cause or chose not to do so, resulting in a personal loss.
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Do you have a narrative of sacrifice that profoundly impacts your life? How did this narrative develop?
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Identify the challenges you face when contemplating sacrifice.
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15. Stories that Frame Us
The stories we are told shape the way we see the world, which shapes the way we experience the world. - Derrick Jensen, Author
Life is lived within a single frame or multiple frames. Be it a story or experience from the past or an aspiration for the future. The frame may have emerged from a personal, familial, or national experience. It may have occurred recently or as far back as antiquity. The story may be ever-present or just a blur, or we may not be aware of it all. Let’s explore.
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What is a story that shapes the way you see the world?
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In what way is a story that frames you influencing how you behave in the world?
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I’m having difficulty identifying a story that frames me.
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16. Friendship
Either companionship or death. - Rabbi Hanan bar Rava in the name of Rav, Talmud Taanit 23a
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. - Brian A. “Drew” Chalker
Friendship is essential to life; without companionship, one cannot live. Friends enter our lives for different purposes—some for a reason, (providing support or a benefit), others for a season, (sharing experiences during a specific phase), and then departing; and a few remain for a lifetime, offering enduring connection and growth. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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Reflect on a friendship that entered your life for a specific reason (providing support or a benefit). How it began, what it was like, and if it ended how did it close?
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Think about a “seasonal” friendship that was significant during a specific phase of your life. How it began, what it was like, and if it ended, how did it close?
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Describe a lifelong friendship that continues to provide connection and growth. What makes it enduring and how has it evolved over time?
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In contrast, have you experienced loneliness? Describe what you learned from that.
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17. Your Jewish Name
A good name is better than fragrant oil. - Ecclesiastes, 7:1
Rabbi Eliezer said the verse in Psalms 46:9 demonstrates that a person’s name has an affect. - Talmud, Brachot 7b
Your name is the first gift your parents give you—and the one you carry for life. - Folk Wisdom
The Jewish name we are given carries a story that came before us—whether reflecting the heritage of our ancestors or the dreams our parents held for us. It can influence how we see ourselves as we grow, and we continue to carry it as we forge our own distinct narratives and create a name for ourselves. Along the way, our relationship with our name may evolve as we evolve. Let’s Explore:
Prompts to consider:
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How has your name impacted you?
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Has your relationship with your name evolved?
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How has your name influenced how you would name your children?
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If you don’t have a Jewish name, which would you consider having and why?
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18. Leadership
Moshe is called the Faithful Shepherd - The Zohar
Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge. - Simon Sinek
Leadership is often associated with positions of power and responsibility, but in fact it can also be defined as a deep commitment to and care for others, prioritizing the needs of others as you would your own. By this definition, leadership can take many forms—whether in those who serve and inspire large groups or in those who dedicate themselves to the well-being of a single individual. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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Have you encountered someone in your life who demonstrated or defied this definition of leadership?
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When have you practiced this form of leadership?
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What are the challenges that this form of leadership encounters?
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How can you cultivate this form of leadership in your daily life?
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19. Mockery
And one should not be ashamed because of people who mock them in their service of God. - Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayim, 1:1, Rabbi Yosef Caro, 16th Century
Mockery is the weapon of those who have no other. — Madeleine de Scudéry, 17th Century Author
Mockery is often aimed at what is unique and challenging to those who mock it, serving as a powerful tool to undermine and discourage. It can make people doubt themselves, retreat, or shy away. Overcoming mockery requires deep inner courage and unwavering conviction. Let’s explore:
Prompts to consider:
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Have you ever been mocked or witnessed someone else being mocked? How did it feel and what was the impact?
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Have you ever shied away from something because of mockery or seen someone else do so? What was lost in that moment?
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Have you ever stood up to mockery? What gave you the strength to do so?
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Have you ever mocked someone? What was behind it and what did you take away from the experience?
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20. Memory of Persecution
Remember what Amalek did to you on your journey out of Egypt, he surprised you on the march, when you were famished and weary, and cut down all the stragglers in your rear. — Deuteronomy 25:17,18
“We are not commanded simply to remember, but to remember in a way that transforms us.” — Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks
Experiencing persecution has been woven into the Jewish experience from its very beginning, and holding those experiences in our memory long after the events have passed is part of our calling. It's a calling to fold time, ensuring that the echoes of the past resound in the songs of the present, and that the darkness we have endured is not buried beneath the hardened earth of the convenience of forgetting. To what end? Let's Explore:
Prompts to consider:
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Have you or your family experienced antisemitic persecution in any form? If so, how has it shaped you? If not, how do you relate to this history, and what role does it play in your life?
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Can antisemitic persecution have a positive effect? If yes, how? If not, why?
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Is there a personal or family memory at risk of being erased by the convenience of forgetting?
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21. Joy
The joy that one should experience in performing a mitzvah and in love of G‑d who commanded them is a great service. And whoever holds himself back from this joy is worthy of retribution. – Maimonides, Laws of Lulav 8:15
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” – Marianne Williamson
Joy is a choice—one that comes from expanding our awareness of what we encounter, it is a practice that ripples into all areas of our lives. That is why joy is so fundamental to Judaism. By cultivating the skill of joy, surrounding ourselves with joyful people, and engaging in joyful experiences—even those that may seem silly—we open ourselves to its transformative power. Let's Explore.
Prompts to consider:
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Do you have a role model or person who embodies the practice of joy?
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Where do you experience joy in your practice of Judaism?
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How do you cultivate the skill of joy—whether in Judaism or in everyday life?
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What obstacles do you encounter to practice joy?
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22. Individuality & Community
Each person is obligated to say: The world was created for me — Talmud Sanhedrin 37a | All of Israel is responsible for one another. — Talmud, Shevuot 39a
The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. — Ralph Waldo Emerson | The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. — Mahatma Gandhi
We each carry a responsibility to ourselves - that no one else does. We also depend on others without whom we cannot survive. We belong to ourselves and to the collective. They can be in support of each other - one nourishing the other, and they can also undermine each other - one depleting the other. Let's Explore:
Prompts to consider:
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Have you experienced individuality & community either in support or conflict with each other?
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Which value is more dominant in your life? How did that come to be?
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What guides you when navigate between individuality & community?
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Are there changes in either value of individuality or community that you would like to see?
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23. Departing from a mentor
Make for yourself a teacher. — Pirkei Avot 1:6
A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops. — Henry Adams (1838–1918) American historian & novelist
Mentors play a vital role in our personal growth—guiding, challenging, and inspiring us to reach places we might never have reached on our own. And yet, at some point, we part ways. How we part, how we choose to remain connected, and—most importantly—how we carry what they’ve taught us into the next chapter of our lives are among the most meaningful choices we make moving forward. Let's explore:
Prompts to consider:
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Is there a mentor who’s had a profound impact on your life? What did they offer you that you couldn’t have found on your own?
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If you’ve never had a mentor, what are you looking for in one? And what do you think has made it hard to find?
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Thinking back on a past mentor, what do you still carry with you from that relationship? Why has that stayed with you?
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What do you think it takes for a mentorship to continue after you part ways? Is that continuity important— or is the letting go okay?
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24. The value of reflections
"Akavya ben Mahalalel says: Look (Reflect)…” — Pirkei Avot 1:6
"Know thyself" — Socrates
The importance of reflection is undeniable. And as students—at a time in your life when you are learning not just about the world, but about yourselves—reflection is especially vital. Shabbat Finale is a fitting moment to pause and reflect on the value the Shabbat dinner reflections have offered you. Let's Explore:
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What benefit have you gained from participating in the weekly reflections?
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Was there a particular topic that especially resonated with you? If so, how did it impact you?
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How does writing a reflection compare to other learning experiences you have during the week?
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Did the reflections impact your experience of Shabbat dinner? If yes, in what way?